I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
