I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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