remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
