im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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