It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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