So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
