I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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