Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
