i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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