I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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