somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So many bounce houses so little time
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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