A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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