My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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