Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think your dad took our porno
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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