An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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