Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
