Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
