Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
