I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
