ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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