I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
