I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
