There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
