Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
