Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
