Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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