Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
