Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
