he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Randomize
