areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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