Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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