I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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