I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
