how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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