While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
