I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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