sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
