Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
