I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
