Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
