My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize
