I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
