her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
