This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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