WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Randomize
