dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
