I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
