Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
