My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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