Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i think i just lost a toe
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
