Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
