Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
