so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Small penises have feelings too.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Randomize
